Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
