I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
