She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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