I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just google imaged poop.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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