Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
