its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
