ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
