We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize