So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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