i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm at about main and main street
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
