you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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