Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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