My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize