i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
