She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
