It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
