I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She is in my trunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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