All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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