Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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