Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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