dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
