Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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