Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
