you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
