You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
