so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
