As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
