haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize