Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
