so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
