i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
