Got a toothbrush?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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