Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
