our cab driver is having phone sex.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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