your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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