Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
