We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
