the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
