she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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