So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
