And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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