I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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