i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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