i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dear god my vagina.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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