remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The feeling are messing with the penis
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
