What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
