Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
