I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm going to jail i love you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
