Sponge bath it is.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize