Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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