Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
