i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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