Redeem this text for a blowjob
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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