You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I didn't shave. On purpose
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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