someone threw a dead crab at me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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