Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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