you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
