New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My feet surprised me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
