Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
