i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
