You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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