i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
