moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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