Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
