She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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