This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
