heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
