At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
