I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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